MENTAL HEALTH

Day 4-6

Practicing Cognitive Defusion

The Mind Is a Great Storyteller

This morning I held a fresh lemon in my hands. I ran my fingers over the bright yellow skin, noting all the little dimples. I lifted it to my nose and inhaled the delicious aroma. Then I placed it on a cutting board and sliced it in half. Picking up one of the pieces, I opened my mouth and squeezed a drop of fresh lemon juice onto the tip of my tongue.

What happened as you read about that lemon? Perhaps you ‘saw’ its shape and colour. Or maybe you ‘felt’ the texture of the skin. You may have ‘smelled’ the fresh, lemony scent. You may even have found your mouth watering. However, there was no lemon in front of you, only words about a lemon.

Yet once those words entered your head, you reacted to them almost as you would to a real lemon. The same thing happens when you read a great thriller. All you have in front of you are words. But once those words enter your mind, interesting things start to happen. You may ‘see’ or ‘hear’ the characters and experience powerful emotions. When those words describe a character in a dangerous situation, you react as if someone really were in danger: your muscles tense, your heartbeat speeds up, your adrenaline rises. (That’s why they’re called thrillers!) And yet, all you are dealing with in reality are little black marks on a page. Fascinating things, words! But what exactly are they?

Words and Thoughts

Humans rely heavily on words. Other animals use physical gestures and facial expressions and a variety of sounds to communicate—and so do we—but we are the only animal that uses words. Words are basically a complex system of symbols. (And a ‘symbol’ means something that stands for or refers to something else.) So, for example, the word ‘dog’ in English refers to a certain type of animal. In French, chien refers to the same animal, as does cane in Italian. Three different symbols, all referring to the same thing.

Anything that we can sense, feel, think about, observe, imagine or interact with can be symbolised by words: time, space, life, death, heaven, hell, people who died thousands of years ago, places that never existed, current events and so on. And if you know what a word refers to, then you know its meaning and you can understand it. But if you don’t know what a word refers to, then you don’t understand it. For example, ‘axillary hyperhidrosis’ is a medical term that most of us don’t understand. It means ‘sweaty armpits’. And now that you know what ‘axillary hyperhidrosis’ refers to, you understand the words.

We use words in two different settings: in public, when we’re talking, listening or writing; and in private, when we’re thinking. Words on a page, we call ‘text’; words spoken out loud, we call ‘speech’; and words inside our head, we call ‘thoughts’. It’s important not to confuse thoughts with the mental pictures or physical feelings that often accompany them. To clarify the difference, here’s a little experiment. Take a few moments to think about what you’re going to fix for breakfast tomorrow morning. Then, as you’re thinking about it, close your eyes and observe your thoughts as they happen. Notice what form they take. Close your eyes and do this for about half a minute.

Okay, what did you notice? You may have noticed ‘pictures’ in your mind; you ‘saw’ yourself cooking or eating, as on a television screen. We’ll call these mental pictures ‘images’. Images are not thoughts, although they often occur together. You may also have noticed feelings or sensations in your body, almost as if you were actually preparing or eating breakfast. These, too, are not thoughts; they are sensations. You also probably noticed some words passing through your head, almost like a talking voice. Those words may have described what you intend to eat: ‘I’ll have toast with peanut butter.’ Or they may have said something like, ‘I don’t know what I’ll have.’ These words in our heads are what we call ‘thoughts’.

Humans rely a lot on their thoughts. Thoughts tell us about our life and how to live it. They tell us how we are and how we should be, what to do and what to avoid. And yet, they are nothing more than words—which is why in many therapies, thoughts are often referred to as stories. Sometimes they are true stories (called ‘facts’) and sometimes they are false. But most of our thoughts are neither true nor false. Most of them are either stories about how we see life (called ‘opinions’, ‘attitudes’, ‘judgements’, ‘ideals’, ‘beliefs’, ‘theories’ and ‘morals’) or about what we want to do with it (called ‘plans’, ‘strategies’, ‘goals’, ‘wishes’ and ‘values’). Our main interest in a thought is not whether it’s true or false, but whether it’s helpful; that is, does it help us create the life we want?

The Story Is Not the Event

Imagine that a police officer catches an armed bank robber in a dramatic shoot-out. The next day we read about it in the newspapers. One particular newspaper may give a totally accurate account of what happened. It may have all the facts correct: the name of the police officer, the location of the bank, maybe even the precise number of shots fired. Another newspaper may give a less accurate account of what happened. It may exaggerate some of the details for the sake of drama or just get the facts wrong. But whether the story is totally accurate or false and misleading, it’s still just a story. And when we read that story, we aren’t actually present at the event. There is no shooting actually taking place before our eyes; all we have in front of us are words. The only people who can truly experience this event are those who are present when it happens: the ‘eyewitnesses’. Only an eyewitness actually hears the sound of the shots or sees the officer tackle the robber. No matter how much detail there is in the description, the story is not the event (and vice versa).

Of course, we know that newspaper stories are biased. They don’t give us the absolute truth; they give us an angle on what happened, which reflects the editorial viewpoint and attitude of the newspaper. (And let’s face it, some newspapers are far more sensationalistic than others.) We also know that at any point we wish, we can stop reading. If we’re not getting anything useful out of the story, we can put down the newspaper and walk outside.

Now, this may be obvious when it comes to stories in newspapers, but it’s not nearly so obvious when it comes to the stories in our minds. All too often we react to our thoughts as if they are the absolute truth, or as if we must give them all our attention. The psychological jargon for this reaction is ‘cognitive fusion’.

What Is Cognitive Fusion?

‘Cognition’ is the technical term for a product of the mind, such as a thought, image or memory. ‘Fusion’ means a blending or melding together. ‘Cognitive fusion’ means that the thought and the thing it refers to—the story and the event—become blended. Thus, we react to words about a lemon as if a lemon is actually present; we react to words in a crime novel as if someone really is about to be murdered; we react to words like ‘I’m useless’ as if we actually are useless; and we react to words like ‘I’m going to fail’ as if failure is a foregone conclusion. In a state of cognitive fusion, it seems as if:

• Thoughts are reality—as if what we’re thinking were actually happening.

• Thoughts are the truth—we completely believe them.

• Thoughts are important—we take them seriously and give them our full attention.

• Thoughts are orders—we automatically obey them.

• Thoughts are wise—we assume they know best and we follow their advice.

• Thoughts can be threats —some thoughts can be deeply disturbing or frightening.

Imagine a woman named Michelle who is plagued by thoughts such as, ‘I’m hopeless’, ‘I’m a lousy mother’ and ‘Nobody likes me’? In her state of cognitive fusion, those thoughts seemed to be the gospel truth. As a result, she felt terrible. ‘That’s not surprising’, you might think. ‘With thoughts like that, anyone would feel upset.’ Certainly that’s what Michelle believed— at first. But she soon discovered that she could instantly reduce the impact of such unpleasant thoughts by applying the simple technique described below. Read through the instructions first, then give it a go.

‘I’M HAVING THE THOUGHT THAT...’

To begin this exercise, first bring to mind an upsetting thought that takes the form ‘I am X’, for example, ‘I am dumb’, ‘I am such a loser’ or ‘I’m so incompetent.’ Preferably pick a thought that often recurs and that usually bothers or upsets you when it does. Now hold that thought in your mind and believe it as much as you can. Focus on it for several seconds. Notice how it affects you.

Now take that thought and, in front of it, insert this phrase: ‘I’m having the thought that...’ Now run that thought again, this time with the phrase attached. Think to yourself, ‘I’m having the thought that I am X.’ Notice what happens.

Did you do it? Remember, you can’t learn to ride a bike just by reading about it—you actually have to get on the bike and pedal. And you won’t get much out of this book if you just read the exercises. To change the way you handle your painful thoughts, you actually have to practice some new skills. So if you haven’t done the exercise, please go back and do it now.

So what happened? You probably found that inserting the phrase, ‘I’m having the thought that...’ instantly gave you some distance from the actual thought itself; it helped you step back and observe it. (If you didn’t notice any difference, try it again with another thought.)

You can use this technique with any unpleasant thought. For instance, if your mind says, ‘Life sucks!’ then simply acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that life sucks!’ If your mind says, ‘I’ll never get over this!’ then simply acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that I’ll never get over this!’ If your mind says, ‘My bum looks huge in this!’ then simply acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that my bum looks huge in this!’

Using this phrase makes you aware of the process of thinking. This means you’re less likely to take your thoughts literally. Instead, you can step back and see those thoughts for what they are: words passing through your head and nothing more. We call this process ‘cognitive defusion’, or simply ‘defusion’. Cognitive fusion tells us that thoughts are the truth and very important. Cognitive defusion reminds us that thoughts are just words. In a state of defusion, we recognise:

• Thoughts are merely sounds, words, stories or bits of language.

• Thoughts may or may not be true; we don’t automatically believe them.

• Thoughts may or may not be important; we pay attention only if they’re helpful.

• Thoughts are definitely not orders; we certainly don’t have to obey them.

• Thoughts may or may not be wise; we don’t automatically follow their advice.

• Thoughts are never threats; even the most negative of thoughts is not deeply disturbing or frightening.

There are many different techniques to facilitate defusion. Some of them may seem a bit gimmicky at first, but think of them like training wheels on a bicycle: once you can ride the bike, you don’t need them anymore. So try out each technique as we come to it and see which works best for you. Remember as you use the techniques, the aim of defusion is not to get rid of a thought, nor to make you like it or want it. The aim is simply to see the thought for what it really is—a string of words—and to let it be there without fighting it.

The technique that follows will call on your musical abilities. But don’t worry, no one will be listening but you.

MUSICAL THOUGHTS

Bring to mind a negative self-judgement that commonly bothers you when it comes up, for example, ‘I’m such an idiot.’ Now hold that thought in your mind and really believe it as much as you can for about ten seconds. Notice how it affects you.

Now imagine taking that same thought and singing it to yourself to the tune of ‘Happy Birthday’. Sing it silently inside your head. Notice what happens.

Now go back to the thought in its original form. Once again, hold it in your mind and believe it as much as you can, for about ten seconds. Notice how it affects you.

Now imagine taking that thought and singing it to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’. Sing it silently inside your head. Notice what happens.

After doing this exercise, you probably found that by now you’re just not taking that thought quite so seriously; you’re just not buying into it as much. Notice that you haven’t challenged the thought at all. You haven’t tried to get rid of it, debated whether it’s true or false, or tried to replace it with a positive thought. So what has happened? Basically, you have ‘defused’ it. By taking the thought and putting it to music, you have realised that it is just made up of words, like the lyrics of a song.

The Mind Is A Great Storyteller

The mind loves telling stories; in fact, it never stops. All day, every day, it tells you stories about who you are, what you’re like, what you should be doing with your life, what other people think of you, what’s wrong with the world, what will happen in the future, what went wrong in the past, and so on. It’s like a radio that never stops broadcasting.

Unfortunately, a lot of these stories are really negative—stories such as, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m stupid’, ‘I’m so fat’, ‘I hate my thighs’, ‘My life is terrible’, ‘There’s no hope for the future’, ‘Nobody likes me’, ‘This relationship is doomed’, ‘I can’t cope’, ‘I will never be happy’, and so on.

There’s nothing abnormal in this. As mentioned earlier, research shows that about 80 per cent of our thoughts have some degree of negative content. But you can see how these stories, if taken as the absolute truth, can readily feed into anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem, self-doubt and insecurity.

Most psychological approaches regard negative stories as a major problem and make a big fuss about trying to eliminate them. Such approaches will advise you to try to:

• make the story more accurate by checking the facts and correcting any errors

• rewrite the story, making it more positive

• get rid of the story by repeatedly telling yourself a better one

• distract yourself from the story

• push the story away

• argue with the story, and debate whether it’s true or not.

But haven’t you already tried methods like these? The reality is, such control strategies simply will not work in the long run.

In this course, negative stories are not seen as a problem in their own right. It’s only when we ‘fuse’ with them, when we react as if they were the truth and give them our full attention, that they become problematic.

Since childhood you’ve heard, ‘Don’t believe everything you read.’ When we read about celebrities in the tabloids, we know that many of the stories are false or misleading. Some are exaggerated for effect, others are made up entirely. Now some celebrities take this in their stride; they accept it as part of being famous and don’t let it get to them. When they notice ridiculous stories about themselves, they just shrug it off. They certainly don’t waste their time reading, analysing and discussing them! Other celebrities, though, get very upset about these stories. They read them and dwell on them, rant and complain, and lodge lawsuits (which are stressful and eat up a lot of time, energy and money).

Defusion allows us to be like the first set of celebrities: the stories are there, but we don’t take them seriously. We don’t pay them much attention, and we certainly don’t waste our time and energy trying to fight them. We don’t try to change, avoid or get rid of the story. We know how ineffective that is. Instead, we simply acknowledge: ‘This is a story.’

NAMING YOUR STORIES

Identify your mind’s favourite stories, then give them names, such as the ‘loser!’ story, or the ‘my life sucks!’ story, or the ‘I can’t do it!’ story. Often there will be several variations on a theme. For example, the ‘nobody likes me’ story may show up as ‘I’m boring’, the ‘I’m undesirable’ story as ‘I’m fat’, and the ‘I’m inadequate’ story as ‘I’m stupid’. When your stories show up, acknowledge them by name. For example, you could say to yourself, ‘Ah yes. I recognise this. That old favourite, the “I’m a failure” story.’ Or ‘Aha! Here comes the “I can’t cope” story.’ Once you’ve acknowledged a story, that’s it—just let it be. You don’t have to challenge it or push it away, nor do you have to give it much attention. Simply let it come and go as it pleases, while you channel your energy into doing something you value.

Michelle, whom we introduced earlier, identified three major stories: the ‘I’m worthless’ story, the ‘I’m a bad mother’ story, and the ‘I’m unlovable’ story. Acknowledging her thoughts by these names made her far less likely to get caught up in them. But Michelle’s hands down favourite technique was Musical Thoughts. Whenever she caught herself buying into the ‘I’m so pathetic’ story, she would put the words to music and watch them lose all their power. And she didn’t just stick to ‘Happy Birthday’ and ‘Jingle Bells’. She experimented with a wide variety of tunes, from Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony to the Beatles’ ‘Penny Lane’. After a week of practising this technique repeatedly throughout the day, she found she was taking those thoughts a lot less seriously (even without the music). They hadn’t gone away, but they bothered her much less.

Now you’re no doubt brimming with all sorts of questions. But be patient. In the next few chapters we’re going to cover defusion in much more detail, including how to use it with mental images. In the meantime, practise using the three techniques we’ve covered so far: I’m Having the Thought that..., Musical Thoughts and Naming the Story.

Of course, if you don’t like a particular technique, you can leave it. And if you have a favourite, you can stick to it. Use these techniques regularly with distressing thoughts, at least ten times a day when starting. Any time you’re feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, ask yourself: ‘What story is my mind telling me now?’ Then once you’ve identified it, defuse it.

It’s important not to build up great expectations at this point. At times defusion occurs easily; at other times it may not happen at all. So play around with these methods and notice what happens—but don’t expect instant transformation. If all this seems too difficult, just acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that it’s too difficult!’ It’s okay to have the thought that ‘It’s too hard’, or that ‘This is stupid’, or that ‘It won’t work.’ They’re all just thoughts, so see them for what they are and let them be.

‘That’s all fine,’ you may say, ‘but what if the thoughts are true?’

Good question...

TRUE BLUES

Whether a thought is true is not that important. Far more important is whether it’s helpful.

Truthful or not, thoughts are nothing more than words. If they’re helpful words, then it’s worth paying attention to them. If they’re not helpful, then why bother?

Suppose I am making some serious mistakes in my work and my mind tells me, ‘You are incompetent!’ This is not a helpful thought. It doesn’t tell me what I can do to improve the situation; it just belittles me. It doesn’t inspire me to improve; it’s merely demoralising. If I really am making mistakes, then putting myself down is quite pointless. Instead, what I need to do is to take action: brush up on my skills or ask for help.

Or suppose I’m overweight and my mind says, ‘You’re a lump of lard! Just look at that belly—it’s disgusting!’ This thought is not helpful; it does nothing but blame, disparage and demoralise. It doesn’t inspire me to eat sensibly or exercise more; it just makes me feel lousy.

You can waste a lot of time trying to decide whether your thoughts are actually true; again and again your mind will try to suck you into that debate. But although in some instances this can be important, the vast majority of the time it is totally irrelevant. What’s more, it wastes a lot of energy.

The more pragmatic approach is to ask, ‘Is this thought helpful? Does it help me take action to create the life I want?’ If it is helpful, then pay attention. If it’s not, then defuse it. But, I hear you ask, what if that negative thought actually is helpful? What if telling myself, ‘I’m fat’ actually prompts me to lose some weight? Well if a negative thought does actually motivate you, then by all means make use of it. But almost always, self-critical thoughts of this nature do not motivate you to take effective action. Usually such thoughts, if taken literally, just make you feel guilty, ashamed, depressed, frustrated or anxious. And usually people with weight problems react to these unpleasant emotions by eating more, in a futile attempt to feel better! Suffice to say, thoughts that criticise you, insult you, judge you, put you down or blame you are likely to lower your motivation rather than increase it. So, when troublesome thoughts pop into your head, it may be useful to ask yourself one or more of the following questions:

• Is this thought in any way useful or helpful?

• Is this an old thought? Have I heard this one before? Do I gain anything useful from listening to it again?

• Does this thought help me take effective action to improve my life?

• What would I get for believing this thought?

At this point you may be wondering, how can you tell whether a thought is helpful or not? If you’re not sure, you can ask yourself:

• Does it help me to be the person I want to be?

• Does it help me to build the sort of relationships I’d like?

• Does it help me to connect with what I truly value?

• Does it help me to make the most of my life as it is in this moment?

• Does it help me to take effective action to change my life for the better?

• Does it help me, in the long term, to create a rich, full and meaningful life?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then the thought is helpful. If the answer to all of them is no, then it’s probably not helpful.

Thoughts Are Just Stories

We examined the concept that thoughts are basically just ‘stories’—a bunch of words strung together to tell us something. But if thoughts are just stories, then how do we know which ones to believe? There are three parts to this answer. First, be wary of holding on to any belief too tightly. We all have beliefs, but the more tightly we hold on to them, the more inflexible we become in our attitudes and behaviours. If you’ve ever tried having an argument with someone who absolutely believes they are right, then you know how pointless it is—they will never see any point of view other than their own. We describe them as being inflexible, rigid, narrow-minded, blinkered or ‘stuck in their ways’.

Also, if you reflect on your own experience, you’ll recognise that your beliefs change over time; that is, the beliefs that you once held tightly, you may now find laughable. For instance, at some point you probably used to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy or dragons, goblins and vampires. And almost everyone changes some of their beliefs about religion, politics, money, family or health at some point, as they grow older. So by all means, have your beliefs—but hold them lightly. Keep in mind that all beliefs are stories, whether or not they’re ‘true’. Second, if a thought helps you to create a rich, full and meaningful life, then use it. Pay attention to it, and use it for guidance and motivation— and at the same time remember that it is still just a story; a bit of human language. So use it, but don’t clutch it too tightly.

The fact is, we don’t choose most of the thoughts in our head. We do choose a small number of them, when we’re actively planning or mentally rehearsing or being creative, but most of the thoughts in our head just ‘show up’ of their own accord. We have many thousands of useless or unhelpful thoughts every day. And no matter how harsh, cruel, silly, vindictive, critical, frightening or downright weird they may be, we can’t prevent them from popping up. But just because they appear doesn’t mean we have to take them seriously.

The Stories Never Stop

The mind never stops telling stories—not even when we’re asleep. It is constantly comparing, judging, evaluating, criticising, planning, pontificating and fantasising. And many of the stories it tells are real attention grabbers. Time and time again we get lost in these stories—a process for which we have many different expressions. We speak of ‘indulging a thought’, ‘entertaining a thought’, ‘struggling with a thought’, ‘flirting with a thought’, ‘buying into a thought’, ‘being wrapped up in thoughts’, ‘lost in thought’ and being ‘carried away by thoughts’ to name but a few.

All these expressions point to how thoughts occupy our time, energy and attention. Most of the time we tend to take our thoughts far too seriously and give them far too much attention. The following exercise demonstrates the difference between attaching importance to a thought and not taking a thought seriously.

Not Taking A Thought Seriously

Bring to mind a thought that normally upsets you; that takes the form ‘I am X’ (for example, ‘I am inadequate’). Hold that thought in your mind and notice how it affects you.

Now bring to mind the thought, ‘I am a banana!’ Hold it in your mind and notice how it affects you.

What did you notice? Most people find that the first thought bothers them but the second thought makes them grin. Why? Because you don’t take the second thought seriously. But if the words following ‘I am...’ are ‘a loser’, ‘a failure’, ‘a fat pig’ or ‘a boring person’, instead of ‘a banana’, we tend to attach far more importance to them. And yet, they are all just words. One simple way of taking your thoughts less seriously is to try...

Thanking Your Mind

This is a simple and effective defusion technique. When your mind starts coming up with those same old stories, simply thank it. You could say to yourself (silently) things like, ‘Thank you, Mind! How very informative!’ or ‘Thanks for sharing!’ or ‘Is that right? How fascinating!’ or simply, ‘Thanks, Mind!’

When thanking your mind, don’t do it sarcastically or aggressively. Do it with warmth and humour, and with a genuine appreciation for the amazing ability of your mind to produce a never-ending stream of thoughts. (You could also combine this technique with Naming the Story: ‘Ah yes, the “I’m a failure” story. Thanks so much, Mind!’)

Below is another technique that will help you take your thoughts less seriously. Read through the instructions first and then give it a go.

THE SILLY VOICES TECHNIQUE

This technique is particularly good with recurrent negative self-judgements. Find a thought that upsets or bothers you. Focus on the thought for ten seconds, believing it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.

Then pick an animated cartoon character with a humorous voice, such as Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Shrek or Homer Simpson. Now bring the troubling thought to mind, but ‘hear’ it in the cartoon character’s voice, as if that character were speaking your thoughts out loud. Notice what happens.

Now get the negative thought back in its original form, and again believe it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.

Next pick a different cartoon character or a character from a movie or television show. Consider fantasy characters such as Darth Vader, Yoda, Gollum or someone from your favourite sitcom, or actors with distinctive voices, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger or Eddie Murphy. Once again bring the distressing thought to mind and ‘hear’ it in that voice. Notice what happens.

After doing this exercise and then repeating it, you’ve probably found that you’re not taking that negative thought quite so seriously. You may even have found yourself grinning or chuckling. Notice that you haven’t tried to change the thought, get rid of it, argue with it, push it away, debate whether it’s true or false, replace it with a more positive thought or distract yourself from it in any way. You have merely seen it for what it is: a bit of language. By taking that segment of language and hearing it in a different voice, you become aware that it is nothing more than a string of words—and thus, it loses its impact. (This may remind you of a rhyme we learned as children: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’ Unfortunately, as children we couldn’t put this into practice all that well, because no one ever taught us defusion skills.)

From mental wellness, we are far more interested in whether a thought is helpful than whether it’s true or false, serious or ridiculous, negative or positive, optimistic or pessimistic. The bottom line is always the same: does this thought help you make the most out of life? Now, if you only have a few months to live, it’s really important to reflect on how you want to spend them. What loose ends do you need to tie up? What do you want to do, and whom do you want to see before you die? So a thought like, ‘I’ll be dead soon’ could be helpful if it motivates you to reflect and take effective action. If that’s the case, you wouldn’t try to defuse such a thought. You would pay attention to it and use it to help you do what you need to do. But suppose that thought becomes an obsession and you keep playing it over and over in your head. Would it be helpful to spend your last weeks of life thinking all day long, ‘I’ll be dead soon’, giving all your attention to that thought instead of to the loved ones around you?

Now, for some people the Silly Voices technique may seem inappropriate for a thought like this, because it might seem to be trivialising something quite serious. If that’s how it feels to you, don’t use it. But it’s important to note that defusion is not about trivialising or making fun of genuine problems in your life. Defusion is aimed at freeing us from oppression by our minds; freeing up our time, energy and attention so we can invest it in meaningful activities rather than dwelling uselessly on our thoughts. So if ‘I’ll be dead soon’ keeps showing up and taking up all your attention, thus preventing you from connecting with your loved ones, then you could defuse it in a number of different ways. You

could acknowledge, ‘Aha! Here’s the “imminent death” story’ or ‘I’m having the thought that I’ll be dead soon’ or you could simply say, ‘Thanks, Mind!’

And don’t think you are going to have to spend the rest of your life thanking your mind or hearing your thoughts in ditties and silly voices. These methods are merely stepping stones. Down the line you can expect to defuse your thoughts instantly, without the need for such contrived techniques (although there will always be times when it’s useful to pull them out of your psychological toolkit). When practising defusion, it’s important to keep the following things in mind:

• The aim of defusion is not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts, but rather to see them for what they are —just words—and to let go of struggling with them. At times they will go away and at times they won’t. If you start expecting them to go, you are setting yourself up for disappointment or frustration.

• Don’t expect these techniques to make you feel good. Often when you defuse a troublesome thought, you will feel better. But this is just a beneficial byproduct, not the main goal.

The main goal of defusion is to free you from the tyranny of your mind, so you can focus your attention on more important things. So when defusion does make you feel better, by all means enjoy it. But don’t expect it to. And don’t start using it to try to control how you feel; otherwise, you’re stuck right back in the happiness trap.

• Remember that you’re human, so there will be plenty of times when you forget to use these new skills. And that’s okay, because the moment you realise you’ve been reeled in by unhelpful thoughts, you can instantly use one of these techniques to unhook yourself.

• Remember that no technique is foolproof. There may be times when you try them and defusion doesn’t happen. If so, simply observe what it’s like to be fused with your thoughts. Merely learning to tell the difference between fusion and defusion is useful in its own right.

Defusion is like any other skill: the more you practise, the better you get. So add the Thanking Your Mind and Silly Voices techniques to your repertoire, and aim to use them between five and ten times each day.

At this point, don’t expect any dramatic changes in your life. Simply notice what happens as you incorporate these practices into your daily routine. And if you’re having any doubts or concerns, make a note of them. In the next chapter we’ll look at common problems people have with defusion and, more importantly, we’ll learn how to overcome them.

From: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

Homework

The purpose of cognitive defusion is to foster awareness of your thoughts and the internal dialogue occurring within your mind. Choose a defusion technique that resonates with you, or explore different techniques, and practice it with your thoughts whenever you find yourself being pulled into negative thinking or when difficult trigger thoughts arise.

If you find yourself struggling with a negative thought, just notice it. Pretend that you’re a scientist observing your own mind; notice the different ways in which you struggle. Do you challenge your thoughts, trying to disprove or invalidate them? Do you judge them as good or bad, true or false, positive or negative? Do you try to push them away or replace them with ‘better’ ones? Do you enter into a debate with your mind? Observe your struggle with interest and notice what it accomplishes. It’s important to let go of any expectation that your stories will go away or show up less frequently.

Cognitive Defusion Techniques:

NOTICE IT

When you notice you’ve been hooked by a thought, such as “That thing I said was so stupid,” unhook by taking a step back from the thought and say or think to yourself:

“I’m noticing a thought that what I said was stupid.”

Take another step back and think to yourself:

I’m noticing I’m just having a thought that what I said was stupid.”

Take an even further step back by thinking to yourself:

“I notice I’m having just another thought about being stupid,” or even further back with “I’m noticing I’m having just another judgment.”

The effect of this intervention can be likened to watching a 3D IMAX movie in the front row: It’s hard not to feel your heart pounding during action sequences. But when you move to the back of the theater and take off your 3D glasses, it’s not nearly as triggering or compelling.

THANK YOUR MIND

Whenever an unhelpful thought rears its head, rather than getting hooked by it or trying to suppress it, thank your mind for having the thought. After all, negative thoughts are there to help you avoid problems; they’re just not always terribly effective at it. “Thank you, mind!”

SILLY VOICES

Imagine, or better yet, say the unhelpful thought in a goofy voice. See how seriously you take your mind when it’s jabbering on like Donald Duck or Bugs Bunny.

SING IT

To the tune of Happy Birthday or any other song-- the goofier, the better. Singing doesn’t get rid of the thought. Remember, that’s not possible. Singing the thought helps you change your relationship to it. You still have it, but it’s no longer in charge. You are.